One Redditor learned a very hard lesson about their close pals – they have no idea how twins – or social etiquette for that matter – actually work.

On Sunday, April 29, u/_somethingorrather  took to r/AITA with a bold inquiry for the page’s more than 7.6 million users – or potential assholes, as they’re called on the subreddit – wondering if they’d be the asshole for bailing on their twin’s birthday bash as they were “only invited as a guest.”

“Would I be the asshole for not attending a surprise birthday dinner for my twin brother,” they commenced their post.

Despite sharing a friend group with their brother – “we’re all really close and have been since school,” they explained noting that these shared buds were a bit tighter with their sibling – u/_somethingorrather was apparently caught off guard after finding themselves invited to a party celebrating their brother and their brother alone.

“I have been added to a group chat labeled “my brother's name surprise dinner!” It is a surprise birthday dinner for my twin brother organized by one of the girls in that group and they have invited me as a guest,” they recounted. “One of them also said in the group that it would “be nice to see me as well” so I just feel like an afterthought.”

As such, u/_somethingorrather said they found themselves “at a crossroads.”

“I don’t know whether or not to attend,” they continued. “On one hand, if I don’t go I will feel left out because our mutual friends are going. But on the other hand, if I do go, I will feel like I am letting myself be disrespected and I will likely feel uncomfortable as it feels like only my brother is being celebrated.”

While they may have felt conflicted, the fine people of AITA were most definitely not, nearly unanimously agreeing that they are most definitely not the asshole.

“NTA. I would not go,” wrote KittKatt7179. “Do something with your brother earlier that day, then treat yourself to something special with your girl later on. And you might want to look into getting a new group of friends....are you sure they even like you?”

While it’s unclear whether u/_somethingorrather later posted an update noting that they did not, in fact, attend the offending dinner – “my girlfriend and I went to see a movie instead,” they wrote – we were really hoping that u/NotTheJury’s theory was right: “What if, it is actually a surprise for both the twins, but they both think it is just for the other twin?”